An old shop proprietor was lying sick on his bed. His wife and children, fearing the worst, were at his bedside.
“My dearest wife, are you here?” the proprietor asked weakly.
“Yes, I’m here, my husband,” the wife replied.
“My dear eldest son, are you here?” the proprietor asked.
“Yes, father, I’m right here,” answered the eldest son.
“My dear second son, are you here?” the proprietor asked feebly.
“Yes, father, I’m here,” the second son responded.
“And my dearest youngest child, my daughter, are you here?” the proprietor asked in a strained voice.
“Yes, papa, I’m here, and I won’t leave your side,” said the daughter.
The proprietor suddenly stood up and shouted, “Who, then, is watching the store???”
We hear it every day from people who we see as successful.
‘We should do what we love.’
‘We should pursue our passions.’
We make bucket lists to see places or go to events we want to experience.
We travel to see the world. We emigrate to other countries to start new careers.
Meanwhile, who takes care of our parents & grandparents? What happens to the relationships we had with relatives, friends, co-workers, and neighbours? How do we turn over the projects and routines when we leave our current jobs? How loyal do we remain to our countries or communities we move away from?
We can imagine the variety of answers to these questions. I’m sure they would differ from individual to individual, given each of us would have our own opinions.
We should not be restrained to do what we wish whether it be working for a cause or chasing a dream.
We, however, have duties to our families, our countries, and our heritages, which we should not shirk from.
Are we irresponsible when we uproot ourselves from the routines we have been doing for countless years, from the positions given to us by our employers or by the heads of our families? Aren’t we fulfilling our talents and ambitions when we chase after our visions and goals?
What does it mean to be responsible?
The dictionary has several meanings.
re•spon•si•ble
adjective
- accountable, as for something within one’s power.
- involving responsibility: a responsible position.
- chargeable with being the source or occasion of something (usually followed by for).
- having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable: a defendant not responsible for his actions.
- able to discharge obligations or pay debts.
- reliable or dependable, as in conducting one’s affairs.
The words associated with responsible are accountable, chargeable, reliable, and dependable. On top of that, the dictionary states that being responsible means being “able to discharge obligations or pay debts.”
But who determines what we are responsible for? And who judges how responsible we should be and are?
In the free societies we live in, we opt for the responsibilities we adopt. Acceptance of responsibility is a choice. We decide whether to stick with our responsibilities or give them up when we believe it is time to.
Consequences arise when we don’t live up to our responsibilities and in the free societies we live in, we only have ourselves to blame.
In not-so-free societies, other people or parties impose responsibilities on us. Autocratic governments enact laws which they expect and enforce their citizens to follow, no questions asked, no avenue to deny. Groups with strict traditions such as families or churches with strong religious beliefs dictate detailed rules which they command members to obey to the letter. History is replete with charismatic leaders who lay down strict obligations on their followers. Authorities or elders determine the consequences of non-compliance, which in some instances, can be severe.
The rewards of routinely doing our responsibilities consist of harmony in our relationships, peace with our community, and even benefits of the financial sort. We get paid better for being responsible employees, for example.
Responsibilities do tie us down when we commit to routines and causes. There are trade-offs when we take on responsibilities and after some time, we are tempted to give them up.
When we observe we’re going nowhere with some of them, when we sense we are not climbing our career ladders, or when we’re losing touch with whom we want to be close to, we feel the urge to chuck our responsibilities, to escape. Our responsibilities become chains that tie us down rather than catalysts for growth.
When we become unwilling to continue with our responsibilities, the first thing that comes to mind is to get away from them. We rationalise that we have our own interests to pursue, that our lives are passing us by, and we need to do more for ourselves. We do need to love ourselves as much as others, after all.
So-called self-help experts (e.g., online coaches, self-certified gurus) would tell us that we need to examine our values & principles and reconcile them with our responsibilities. In more ways than one, these so-called experts would tell us to chase our dreams and leave everything behind. Most of the advice from these people would be likely consist of them abandoning previous lifestyles which led to their own success stories, never mind if they leave out the costs of doing so.
Sometimes, however, the difficulties we encounter with responsibilities stem from challenges, obstacles or issues. We don’t live in a perfect world after all, where everything falls neatly into place for us every day. We do run into roadblocks. This is more so frequent for those of us who live and work rife with unforeseeable events.
Traffic today can be smooth but in gridlock tomorrow. Power and water supply may be consistent for many years but a cutoff could happen anytime. There are governments that put out laws that change business conditions more than once a year. A storm may cancel that annual trip we always take. A new technology (e.g. artificial intelligence) may come along to threaten the jobs we held for decades.
Disruptions have become more common (at least we perceive them to be more common) as our lives move faster from the pressures of competition and advances in information & communication technologies.
Rather than simply escape or abruptly cede our responsibilities, it may be proper to first consider trying to find out and solve the problems that may be hindering the carrying out of our responsibilities.
If we can’t take care of our aging parents because we ourselves are getting older or busier, perhaps we should seek assistance from caregivers. (I personally think sending aging parents to a nursing home more as a cop-out than a solution, unless the nursing home offers special skills or medical care which our parents may require).
If we are becoming frustrated with our careers, we should maybe evaluate not only our job descriptions but also our performances. Have we been slacking without realising it? If we don’t like the assignments given to us, maybe we should find out what it is we don’t like and discuss options with our superiors? Are our jobs lacking challenges or meaning? Have our jobs become no-win scenarios? Are we harbouring ill feelings for that promotion we didn’t get?
It may be nice to figure out what really is bothering us about our responsibilities than to outright quit them.
A problem-solving approach may help:
- Enumerate the issues
- Define the problem
- Lay down criteria a solution must fulfil
- Study & test options
- Decide on the solution
- Invest in the solution
We decide whether to accept or avoid responsibilities. Consequences await those who don’t perform. We feel the temptation to escape our responsibilities and some of us do, to the detriment of those who had been counting on us to carry them out routinely.
The progress of our modern times has been accompanied by frequent disruptions and pressures such that it has been getting harder to execute our responsibilities.
Many of these disruptions and pressures have root causes which we can identify as problems. Problems can be solved and with a patient approach, we can find solutions that can be win-win for both our personal aspirations and for those who rely on us to do the right things.
Ellery's Essays 